Forgettable Days (At least one can hope they will be someday)
So today I got to explain to the water company reasons why they can't shut off my water today. Can I pay the bill that is already past due? . . . No, or at least I can't pay it all and feed my family for the next two weeks. Have you ever had to face the choice between, having a place to live, the ability to have utilities that make living in that place comfortable, or eating? I hope you never have to make that choice. We've had to make that choice over and over again for the past several months and I'll tell you truthfully . . . as much as you think it would suck . . . it does and a million times more.
Let's just say thus far, 2012 has not been kind to this family. Between my getting laid-off from work and not finding a new job yet, Jeff's surgery in April and three-weeks in the hospital recovering and not getting any pay during this time, having to see one more of our children graduate and leave home, Jeff only having one class to teach this summer meaning practically no $. Our car needing major repairs $$$ and our other car dead since last December (translation being that we've only had one car for months now). Me getting bronchial-pneumonia in June and still having it as of today September 4; I can honestly say that I'm done!!! I won't say that things couldn't get worse though because I'm not dumb. I know they can.
Enough negativity. These are the good things I am grateful for and that's how I need to end this so I don't get upset and cry anymore.
I am grateful for a new granddaughter, Jade Matilda, born last April (during Jeff's stint in the hospital). I'm grateful that I was able to go see her and try to help her mom a little. I'm grateful for Becca and all of her fine accomplishments and was proud to watch her receive her diploma and start her life. I'm grateful for Ryan and for his love of life and trying new things like going on a study-abroad to Palestine and Israel this past May and June. I'm grateful for Jill and Kenny and Lola and Jade and all their accomplishments and love. I'm grateful for Anna, especially lately or I'd be a lonely mom. She has been albeit bored at times the past few months, kind and fun, and distracting, and good and loving. I don't know what I'd do without her. And I'm grateful for Jeff! He has had a rough year, but he always keeps going, always tries to put a positive spin on everything, and always tries to take care of us. I love these people and don't deserve them, but am so grateful they're mine.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
DEEP THOUGHTS
So today has, so far, been about a lot of deep thoughts. Good ones, I should add, and some serious reflection on my part. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to type out thoughts as they come to me - you know during those moments when what you think and realize are really profound. We all have these moments, but I think we are too busy most of the time to notice them, and they escape with the millions of other thoughts that go through our minds. Maybe a replay button would be nice on occasion.
Anyway, I was thinking seriously about no longer being the director of a little choir group I have at my church last week. I was stressed out by life and just didn't feel as if I could offer anything of worth anymore. I plugged through the practice anyway and came away feeling refreshed and renewed in ways that I haven't felt for months. While getting ready this morning I kept thinking about this - about music and its affect on me - and realized just how important it really is to me. I am incomplete without it, regardless of how I participate. I was asked one time "why do you like to sing?" My answer has changed throughout my life, but today I realized that it is more than just "liking" to sing. I HAVE TO SING!! It is quite literally food for my spirit in the same way that food and sleep are fuel for my body. I am only existing without it, but with it during it - I LIVE! I FEEL! I ALMOST SOAR!
I realize this might sound odd to someone who isn't affected in the same way, but we all have something that feeds our spirits and souls. The trick is to find them. I like that we have to search for these things, but when we find it, what do we do then? Hopefully we live our life with purpose and joy. This is what I want to do and I decided to make it my mantra for the rest of the year. LIVE EACH DAY WITH PURPOSE AND JOY!!
I know this is a lovely thought, but I really am going to give it a try. Actually, when you think about it, what have you got to lose except maybe a bad day or two - right??
I also have been thinking a great deal about stuff! You know the stuff you are surrounded by and live with. The stuff that you spend your hard-earned money on. Stuff like furniture, your appliances, your cars, decorations for your homes, everything in your kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms, storage rooms, garages, drawers, dressers, and desks. We spend a good portion of our life collecting this stuff. It makes our life more comfortable, more entertaining, less time-consuming at the tasks we perform, yet when you really take a look at these things - what real, actual, worth are they. Can I sell them and get my money back? (NO) the minute you take them into your home they become "used" and there is not monetary value in "used" items. So the question is, "why do we spend so much of our money/time collecting this stuff if they have no real value?" "Do we really need so much stuff?" I've decided that I definitely do NOT! The rub is that once you have it all then what do you do with it? Organizing takes more time and money, throwing it away is a waste of money, giving it away is a nice gesture but do you really know anyone who wants it? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we fill our space, our homes, with so much unnecessary stuff? Someone help me make some sense of this. In the meantime, I'm seriously considering having a yard sale and purging before the weather gets too cold. Maybe if I can clear my surroundings slightly, I will be able to clear my head and my time - you know, the time it takes to care for all this stuff!!
Those are my thoughts for now. Hopefully, that helped to clear my mind a bit.
So today has, so far, been about a lot of deep thoughts. Good ones, I should add, and some serious reflection on my part. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to type out thoughts as they come to me - you know during those moments when what you think and realize are really profound. We all have these moments, but I think we are too busy most of the time to notice them, and they escape with the millions of other thoughts that go through our minds. Maybe a replay button would be nice on occasion.
Anyway, I was thinking seriously about no longer being the director of a little choir group I have at my church last week. I was stressed out by life and just didn't feel as if I could offer anything of worth anymore. I plugged through the practice anyway and came away feeling refreshed and renewed in ways that I haven't felt for months. While getting ready this morning I kept thinking about this - about music and its affect on me - and realized just how important it really is to me. I am incomplete without it, regardless of how I participate. I was asked one time "why do you like to sing?" My answer has changed throughout my life, but today I realized that it is more than just "liking" to sing. I HAVE TO SING!! It is quite literally food for my spirit in the same way that food and sleep are fuel for my body. I am only existing without it, but with it during it - I LIVE! I FEEL! I ALMOST SOAR!
I realize this might sound odd to someone who isn't affected in the same way, but we all have something that feeds our spirits and souls. The trick is to find them. I like that we have to search for these things, but when we find it, what do we do then? Hopefully we live our life with purpose and joy. This is what I want to do and I decided to make it my mantra for the rest of the year. LIVE EACH DAY WITH PURPOSE AND JOY!!
I know this is a lovely thought, but I really am going to give it a try. Actually, when you think about it, what have you got to lose except maybe a bad day or two - right??
I also have been thinking a great deal about stuff! You know the stuff you are surrounded by and live with. The stuff that you spend your hard-earned money on. Stuff like furniture, your appliances, your cars, decorations for your homes, everything in your kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms, storage rooms, garages, drawers, dressers, and desks. We spend a good portion of our life collecting this stuff. It makes our life more comfortable, more entertaining, less time-consuming at the tasks we perform, yet when you really take a look at these things - what real, actual, worth are they. Can I sell them and get my money back? (NO) the minute you take them into your home they become "used" and there is not monetary value in "used" items. So the question is, "why do we spend so much of our money/time collecting this stuff if they have no real value?" "Do we really need so much stuff?" I've decided that I definitely do NOT! The rub is that once you have it all then what do you do with it? Organizing takes more time and money, throwing it away is a waste of money, giving it away is a nice gesture but do you really know anyone who wants it? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we fill our space, our homes, with so much unnecessary stuff? Someone help me make some sense of this. In the meantime, I'm seriously considering having a yard sale and purging before the weather gets too cold. Maybe if I can clear my surroundings slightly, I will be able to clear my head and my time - you know, the time it takes to care for all this stuff!!
Those are my thoughts for now. Hopefully, that helped to clear my mind a bit.
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